Nesting Season
Before the tractor came we walked the whispering fields, timothy and clover shushed above our knees. Bobolinks burst from the tall grass, calls bubbled and broke like foam; secrets grew in the deep...
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I'm a great lover of that particular deep gold-green. it gets in the bones. "bubbled and broke like foam"really took me back to the fields of my childhood. might wish for something less abstract than...
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Thanks for a thorough and useful critique, Osal. 'Wispy' makes sense though I'm such an unfocused writer that I may not be able to anchor it better without clunkiness. Ah well. I love the idea of...
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Hi toadflax, Your poem creates a tangible summer atmosphere. Ican almost smell the grass and hear the June bugs. Reading it out loud with Alison's suggestion of present tense made a positive...
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Hello T, This reminds me of the Indiana farm fields where I live. It's a very soft poem of being. I agree with Alison that present tense would be worth exploring. Dale
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a very strong draft I had some hesitation about the whispering -- sound wise I enjoyed it...but it is kind of close to the land of cliché the last stanza is the weakest here I think...I didn't want to...
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Thanks to all for your time, kind remarks and thoughtful advice. I'm glad the poem struck a nostalgic chord with some of you. There seems to be something along the lines of consensus about that last...
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Hi TF, I understand how this can feel, i actually don't enjoy workshopping much, anymore, though I did it intensely for many years. . . When you say the last S is meant to convey the heart of the...
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Hi Osal, I figured I could get away with seashells since I introduced bubbles, foam and waves earlier on. Here's what the poem's about: Bobolinks nest in hayfields, and with earlier and earlier...
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Hello, Toad! (I love your user name I just googled toadflax, and it's very pretty. I wasn't at all familiar with it.)I'm going to break my rule about reading others' comments from now on before...
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Hi Laurel, Your comments are thorough pleasure and have given me lots to think about. For one thing, advice to strip a poem to its bare bones is likely to be sound, in my opinion. :-) I'll see if I...
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Hi Katie, I just wanted to add, I'm sorry I didn't say in my first post how much I like the poem in its essence, which I grasp, well- grasp and let go. And I feel as though I'm basking in Laurel's...
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toadflaxI like reading this poem and cound understand your lines.I like the order of the lines and the music of the words.S
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Yes, Osal, totally, spittle bugs! They can make wearing shorts in the tall grass a somewhat dicey affair if you want dry legs. You are sweet and no need to apologize, I appreciate your insights and...
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Hi toadflax As has been stated, this is a lovely poem well conjuring up the scene with great details and appropriate word sounds. The piece says a lot in relatively few lines. Well done. No nits from...
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Thanks Chris, that's really nice to hear. I'm partial to those lines myself. :-) Katie
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T---very much like the pastoral calm---with just a teasing hint of what might be the malevolent side of nature.only one secret per poem.memory? aftertaste? Before the tractor came we walked the...
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Great Imagery, I think this is very well done. It is funny it reminds Dale of where he lives in Indiana, it also reminds me of where I live here in Ohio...two states that are right next door. I...
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